The People Skills Blog

These are the "Good Ol' Days"

This past week I took some downtime and went to Virginia Beach.  While there, we reconnected with our old boss from Naval Hospital Long Beach, Todd Graef.  It was great getting together and talking over the old times.

One of the things Todd mentioned was how in hindsight, some of the toughest times are the ones we refer to as the "good ol' days."   Ironically, the time I spent in Long Beach represented some of the darkest days in my personal life, yet as we talked over good food and wine, I realized then how much fun those years were.  More importantly, I realized how important the lessons I learned during that period have helped me build a successful business. 

When you think of the "good ol' days", what comes to mind?  Most often I find it either involves a particularly satisfying work experience, or some meaningful friendships.  It's rare that both happen at the same time.  For the longest time I looked back at my 15 years in the Navy as a stressful waste of time but after re-focusing, most of the bad times came from bad bosses.  After separating that from the equation, I realized how much fun my time in Australia, Long Beach, Guam, and Bremerton, Washington actually was.  Then I focused on the lessons I learned from the experiences.  Finally, I entered the bad bosses back into the equation and looked at their behavior as a lesson learned that I could share.   The end result?  My 15 year career was pretty darned good and I left it with a host of great information, lessons, and examples I can use now in business!

So how do you see the "good ol' days?"  Is it possible that a bad situation you're experiencing now could in fact someday be one of the best times in your life? 

All of us have a chance to define what will be our past each and every day.  What are you doing today to make this day one of the "good ol' days"?

3 Lessons from a Disappointing Loss

Last week I told you about my daughter's dilemma on her soccer team and how she is determined to give 100% to keep her roster spot.  So far, she is doing well and as far as we know, her position is safe.  Saturday though I witnessed something quite profound at her game that I think you'll appreciate.

As we watched our girls warming up, I couldn't help but notice how big the girls from the other team were.  Some looked to be around 15 or 16.  I was a little nervous wondering how our team would perform.  When the game started, our girls went on the attack, running extremely hard and frustrating the other team.  By the end of the half, they were up 3 to 0!

The second half was a much different story.  Our girls seemed to run out of gas and the other team pressed hard. The momentum shifted and we lost the game 5 to 3.  It was extremely disappointing for them and for us too! 

What did I learn?

1. No matter how ominous the challenge looks, run hard at it and you'll have a much better chance of succeeding.
2. If you find yourself succeeding when you though you'd fail, be sure to keep doing what worked for you!
3. If you find yourself failing, don't quit.  Take some time to regroup, figure out what's working and what's not, and then make adjustments.

My hope is that our team learns from this game.  I know I certainly took something away from it!  Hopefully this helps.

Have a great week!

The Power of Humility

I've blogged in the past on the power of confidence over arrogance so I won't repeat that now.  Instead, I'd like to share an insight I got this past weekend at The Red Zone National Men's Conference I attended on Saturday with my dad and son Dustin.  Now this was a Christian conference but before you rush to unsubscribe, let me assure you the insight has nothing to do with religion.  Rather it's an example of confidence and humility overpowering arrogance.

In one of the breakouts on leadership, former Washington Redskins players talked about their experiences as young men in the NFL.  When asked about their greatest moment, each one responded with great humility.

• Brian Carpenter: Spoke about how impressive it was to watch Giants' linebacker Lawrence Taylor play.
• James Thrash: Talked about his first touchdown and how then Redskins Coach Norv Turner bitched him out on the sideline for hotdogging to the crowd.
• LaVar Arrington: Reflected on how great it was to take a big block from an offensive tackle so Bruce Smith could get the all-time sack record which led to his selection to the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Each of these men certainly had great personal highlights but chose to reflect on how great it was to play with other great players.  I was impressed.  In doing this, I thought much more about these men than if each had regaled us with tales of their personal successes.

What are you doing to recognize the accomplishments of those around you?  I'm discovering that the more we lift others up, the more respect we get.  You have to give it away in order to get it.

This week I'm going to look for ways to recognize those around me and promote their accomplishments.  I think it will be pretty exciting to try.  Will you join me?

Time for some Spring Cleaning!

Even though the weather here in Maryland fluctuates between gorgeous and crappy, there's not doubt Spring is in the air!

Although I used to enjoy the cold winters, I'm now a full-fledged member of the "I Hate Winter" Fan Club. 

With the oncoming Spring comes the annual Spring Cleaning most of us do.  As I went through my home office this weekend, it made me think about doing some internal Spring Cleaning.  Without removing the junk, there's no room for new growth.  If I wanted to turn my basement into a state-of-the-art home theater, the first order of business would be to get rid of the junk right?  What junk do you need to get rid of to grow this year?  Here are some suggestions.

Negativity.  Have you ever noticed how negativity is contagious?  Hang around negative people long enough and you'll start whining like them.  I know. I've been there.  Clearing the negativity from your life might mean staying away from negative people, which could also mean friends and family.  Just think about it.

Anger.  What makes you angry?  Sometimes anger is triggered by a single event tied to something that may have happened previously.  Those of you who have been through my workshops heard about my incident with "Shopping Cart Rage" at the Gaithersburg Costco.  The narrow aisles and sample tables are my trigger.  I know now to avoid them.  What are you doing to avoid your triggers?

Bitterness.  Did something happen to you years ago that you're still holding on to?  When I left the Navy in 1999, my old Executive Officer gave me his "blessing" telling me I'd never reach my goals of owning my own business doing training and consulting.  I must admit I held onto that anger for several years.  Finally in 2006, I realized that if Capt Richardson was even alive anymore, he'd probably long forgot about me.  I was the only one holding onto that anger.  When I let it go, I found my career move into hyperspeed!

In the coming weeks, we'll all begin to enjoy steady, sunny weather.  I'm ready for some Spring Cleaning.  I hope you are too!

The Necessary Step of "Doing"

This past week I spent the an entire day speaking to high school students at Seneca Valley High School here in Germantown, MD.  Each year, the school coordinates an awesome career day where they bring in professionals to speak to the students throughout the day about their particular jobs. 

Since what I do encompasses several areas, I chose to speak to them about being a career coach.  Rather than talk about it, I simply took them through 10 principles I use to help others (and myself of course) reach success.  It's important for them to learn these principles now instead of approaching career development haphazardly. The principles are:

1. Define who you really are.

2. Define success. 

3. Dream big and set good goals. 

4. Let go of assumed constraints. 

5. Commit to continuous learning. 

6. Expand your network.

7. Get better.

8. Create your own luck.

9. Go full speed. 

10. Never quit.

It was a good day and I think the students found  my presentation interesting and fun.  The bigger question though is how many will heed the advice and make a difference? 

There's no shortage of good advice on this planet.  I was in a Border's Book Store this weekend and couldn't believe just how many good books are for sale in the "Self-Help" section.  With all of this valuable information, why isn't everyone successful?  Simple.  There is the necessary step of "doing." 

Often when I teach a workshop, I get participants who comment how the material is something they've already done.  Fine.  The bigger question is what have you done with that info? What will you do with it now?

This week, let's all make a plan to take the necessary step of "doing."  Maybe just one simple thing.  I'm willing to bet doing one thing leads to doing many things.  It just might lead to the breakthrough we all need.  Are you in?

Encouragement is not an Annual Event

This week is the all-important Maryland School Assessments (MSA) here in Montgomery County.  This exam is a test of reading and math achievement that meets the testing requirements of the federal No Child Left Behind Act.

What's not widely publicized is that schools whose students don't score well get put on a School Improvement Process which is a complete assessment of what's being done and a look at the root cause.  In worst case scenario, senior staff might get canned and certain programs dropped from the school.

Now I've watched both of my kids endure the MSA for nearly 10 years and each year, the teachers spend a few weeks before the test getting the kids pumped up.  They come home with special instructions to sleep better and suggestions on the right breakfast to eat before the test.  The hope is that kids will perform well and the scores will be great.

I won't go into my personal opinion of how useless the MSA is considering kids get taken out of regular learning for several weeks to go into test prep which of course won't really measure learning.  The end-of-test brain dump is an annual event as well.  I'm more interested in the motivation used on the kids.

Last week, my 8th grade son got a handwritten postcard from his homeroom teacher which was inscribed "Good luck on the test."  It made me wonder...if these kids were encouraged from the first time they stepped into the classroom, would the MSA even be necessary or at a minimum, would extra motivation be needed to pass the test?

You see, the bottom line here is that the kids really have no dog in this fight.  Truth be told, there's nothing in this for them, particularly my 8th grader who goes to a private school next year.  If the kids really knew this, they'd completely blow the test off.  Hence, the need to get them engaged!

Both of my kids have great teachers and some that aren't as great.  Students on the other hand seem to be either hot or cold.  Some great scholars (my kids seem to be in this group - A's and B's across the board - yes, I'm bragging!) and those who really don't care.  I wonder what would happen if teachers made an effort to challenge the hot students and encourage the cold ones year round?

Taking this out of the school setting and into the workplace now, are you doing something each day as a supervisor to encourage your staff?    The bigger question is:  does your team see the big picture regarding your organization?  Do they see something in it for them?  Do they have a dog in the fight?  If not, you might want to re-think how you communicate your strategy to them.

If you're not in a management role, are you encouraging those around you?  Have you asked your boss to show you the "big picture" so you know what success looks like?  If not, you're tempting fate when layoffs come - how can you show your value if you don't know what the value adds to?

Once a year is not enough if you're looking for sustained performance.  Why not take some time this week to encourage somebody?   

Who's in Charge Here Anyway?

As you know, I fly someplace nearly every week.  Many people shudder at that, some from just the hassle of navigating airports and delayed flights, but most are flat-out terrified of flying.  When I poll a group about the fear of flying, most say they'd rather drive since they feel a sense of control.  Now  most people know deep inside there's a  better chance of dying in a car crash driving to the airport than from an airline accident, but that's how powerful the need to be in control actually is.

In the past month, I've been contacted by two different individuals who are facing absolute misery at work.  One person is working for a boss who plays favorites (and she is not the "favorite" therefore having a miserable time).  The other is working for a miserable boss AND company.  In her "Retention" award for her performance in 2009, she received a check for $1,000.00 but was forced to sign an agreement that if she left in the next two years, she's have to pay it back.  Both were struggling but saw no way out.  Economic conditions have a way of going with the misery you know rather than face the misery of uncertainty.

I know times are still tough for most folks.  Bailouts haven't trickled down to everyone and I travel around this country enough to see that first hand.  What I do know is people are still hiring and the best candidates are still finding jobs.

Your choice when faced with a miserable work situation is to either shut up and take it or do something about it.

The first individual felt empowered when I told her to simply put her resume together and look for new positions.  She has yet to interview, but just the proactive step of taking control was enough to get her thinking positive again.  The second individual felt as though she was giving up by looking for a new position.  Frankly, I can't imagine working for a psycho boss or a company that attaches strings to a "Retention" award.  After giving herself permission to look elsewhere for a job, she now has a better sense of control (and I told her not to give back the $1,000.00 award.  Make those morons beg you for it!!!).

There is plenty of bad news out there.  You don't have to look far.  If you let it bring you down, you basically concede that you're powerless.  I'm not buying it.  Focus on what you can control and you'll find you have much more power than you think. 

There will come a day, in the not-too-distant future when good times will return.  Rather than wait for that day, why not take some steps right now to retake control of your destiny.  You have more power than you think!

You're the Greatest? Prove it!

I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was. Muhammad Ali.

When we read a quote like that one, most of us just roll our eyes.  After all, many athletes today brag on their greatness, "guarantee" victory, or simply carry themselves like they belong in another stratosphere.  But before all of them, there was Muhammad Ali.

I know some of my readers, like me, are old enough to remember Ali in his prime, when he took on all comers.  I thought about Ali this weekend while watching the NBA All-Star Slam Dunk contest highlights.  Ironically, this contest never seems to have the league superstars in it.  Most of them opt out.  Then I think about the Major League Baseball All-Star Home Run Derby.  That too is mostly competed in by second tier stars.  The players who in fact could run away with that title simply opt out.  Finally I think about the NFL Scouting Combine which runs in late winter.  It's a week-long opportunity for college football players to showcase their talent for NFL scouts.  Yet the players with the most NFL potential opt out of the competition, preferring to do individual workouts for NFL teams.  It seems nobody wants to prove their talent, choosing instead to let their reputation carry them.  It's almost as if they're afraid somebody may come along and actually defeat them.

Almost once a year, I face a hostile or challenging audience in a workshop.  It causes me to pause, rethink my strategy, and work some tough magic to bring them back.  While it's a tough challenge and stresses me out, it also reminds me that I always need to compete, to push myself lest I fall into the trap of complacency.  I always leave a session like that feeling a renewed sense of energy and personal growth.  I like to think my audience feels the same.

What about you?  Do you profess greatness only to duck away from a challenge or fierce competition?

Several years ago, I worked for a trade association where one of our members, and insurance provider, took great pride in his standing as a member.  He could do this since his company provided a huge revenue stream each year as a result of his exclusive arrangement to provide services to members.  When we had our Annual Conferences, he would always put up a fuss if we allowed his competitors to exhibit, and God forbid we ever allow them to put up their pop-up displays near his.  I always wondered...if he was a good as he said he was, why wouldn't he want his competitors to be placed right next to him so he could easily compare his services to theirs?  Why would he fear competition?  As it happens, his arrangement eventually ended and I haven't heard much from him since.

I understand outstanding college quarterbacks Tim Tebow and Colt McCoy are eagerly awaiting the NFL Scouting Combine.  Both have been criticized as not having the skills to compete at that position in the NFL.  Rather than do private screenings, they've opted to compete in public, even risking being seen not only by scouts, but the public too.  Both claim to have NFL-worthy skills.  Now they intend to prove it.

This week, let's all take a hard look at the last time we really proved our worth.  If it's been awhile, why not look for a challenging opportunity where the stakes are really high.  The kind of opportunity where failure could really hurt, but winning could increase our value, reputation, and marketability.  I won't suggest you brag a-la Muhammad Ali, but just knowing you are the greatest can certainly boost your morale!

Service - A Key Component of Career Success

Is it just me or have you noticed how much customer service standards have really slipped?

Now keep in mind I provide customer service training as one of my company's offerings so maybe I'm a bit critical.  Maybe not though because in addition to a REALLY bad customer experience with The Fireplace Shop last week, I was also dazzled by a great customer experience with B&B Air Conditioning and Heating.  More importantly, what would this mean for individuals who are trying to add value to their organizations?

In my opinion, here are the 3 hallmarks of great service:

• Show up when you say you will
• Do an outstanding job
• Do something extra to dazzle me

Last week our heat pump went out.  I called B&B first thing in the morning and they showed up before they said they would.  They spent all day fixing the problem.  The following day, the owner called me to check in about how things were going.  He also told me his guys shouldn't have charged me for Freon removal so he told me he was going to send me a check for $160.00.  Outstanding!!!!  Oh and by the way, their service wasn't cheap.  Don't confuse cheap with great service.

What does that mean for us as individuals?

Simple.

Do what you say you are going to do.  Do the best job you can.  Do something extra.  When you're done, look for something else you can do.  Here's one for you.  On a day you're scheduled to telecommute and you know darn well you don't have anything to do, come into the office!  It's the little things like this that help you add value and prove your worth. 

None of us are indispensible.  I like to think I am but I know I'm not.  The best we can do is constantly add value.  I'm really going to think hard this week about the service I give and make a commitment to do even better.  What will you do?

The Business of Satisfying Needs

What a man can be, he must be.  Abraham Maslow.

This quote, from a 1943 paper by the famed psychologist is still taught in management courses today.  Personally, I use it when I lead management development and leadership training courses with organizations around the country.  While the mere mention of it causes eye-rolling in my audience, the principles I believe are relevant today.

The Reader's Digest version of it follows:

As humans, we move through life in search of having needs fulfilled.  The needs begin at the basic, physiological levels and move up through safety, social, esteem, and finally self-actualization.  Self-actualization is the toughest to define.  The quote at the top of the page is the definition Maslow himself coined.  It's up to such intense levels of debate these days by a wide variety of groups that suddenly Maslow seems relevant yet again (figuratively of course since he died in 1970).

Actually I wanted to focus on the basic premise of "search mode".  According to the theory, if there is any challenge to a level of need or it's actually been lost, humans shift focus and try to recapture the level.  This can be an ugly thing as we see it now played out in the ruins of Haiti as people riot after days without food, clothing, and shelter.  The same behavior is seen in organizations when there are rumors of layoffs.  "Search mode" is not quite that intense but you'll find people hunkering down, not wanting to make waves or produce out of fear for their jobs.

So what does this mean for you? 

As a manager, you'll need to tune into the needs of your people.  Whether you believe Maslow or not, people are moving targets when it comes to how they experience needs.  People are at all different stages and times in their lives.  Personally, I woke up this morning feeling good and then when I opened my Facebook page, I read of the death of one of my childhood best friends, Brian Griset.  Right now I feel really deflated.  If I was going to lead a workshop today, it would no doubt be a struggle to have a lot of energy.  Keep tuned into your people to find out what needs they have and do your best to try and satisfy them.

Personally, it's a good idea to track where you are on the hierarchy.   Take stock of where you are in your work/life balance. If there is a chance you job is going away, see what you can do to build immediate value and guarantee you'll dodge the pink slip. Reflect on what self-actualization looks like for you and take steps to work towards it.  It could be a spiritual end-state or just a really Big Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG if you attended one of my keynotes or workshops). 

Hopefully this tip will make you think today.  I know I have.