The People Skills Blog

The Goldilocks Effect

This past week was very interesting (and very busy!).

Monday I worked with an organization that was dealing with some significant environmental changes that were in impacting its very survival.

Wednesday I drove to West Virginia to work with an organization that was preemptively doing some planning to deal with some significant environmental changes that could possibly impact its survival.

Thursday and Friday I worked with a non-profit in DC that was basically without stress with no impending doom on its radar screen.

All three organizations were very different.

Monday's group was in a panic, stressed out, and kind of hostile both to me and the materials I was teaching them on dealing with change.  They were continually distracted by emergency phone calls and previously scheduled meetings.  None seemed very happy at all.

Wednesday's group was in a business-like but friendly mood and laughed through much of our afternoon together (with me, not at me as my dad would say!) and seemed to be quite energized at the end.

The Thursday/Friday group had a 9:30 AM start time and most showed up ready to go by 10.  Many of them warned me early on they had meetings, commitments, phone calls, etc to make and would have to leave.  I suspect most were "prisoners" in that workshop.  Ironically, once we got started, all stayed until the end!

Do you remember the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears?  Summed up, you're either too hot, too cold, or just right.  Monday's group was too hot - stressed and unproductive.  Thursday/Friday was too cold - not enough pressure to make them productive.  Wednesday's group was JUST RIGHT!  Enough stress to keep functioning in a highly-productive manner.

What does your level of stress look like?  Are you red-lining right now, almost at a breaking point?  Are you so bored that you can't seem to focus?  Or, are you experiencing the right amount of pressure to keep you on your game and focused?  We have some control over that, both in how we choose to schedule and how we look at pressure.  Most of the time, I'm just right but it takes work to keep myself there.  How are you doing?  Maybe it's time for a stress inventory?

Activity is Not Achievement

This past week we lost one of the great coaches and mentors, John Wooden.  In his long career as head basketball coach at UCLA, he won 10 NCAA national championships and coached players such as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Lucius Allen, Gail Goodrich, Walt Hazzard, and Bill Walton.  While known for winning and leadership, he also left us with a plethora of great "Woodenisms" which are attributed to him.  Here is one of my favorites:

Never mistake activity for achievement.

As an entrepreneur, my days are either spent traveling or delivering management development workshops.  It's what I love to do and what pays my bills.  Any down days, which are fortunately (or sometimes unfortunately) rare, I try to build in time to get important back-work done such as writing web copy, updating sites, reaching out to colleagues and potential customers, and thinking up new projects.  I'm always amazed at how much precious time I waste. 

Many people confuse busyness with accomplishment.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  If you don't believe me, just take a look at this video clip from one of my favorite shows, Seinfeld. 

You've all heard of the Purpose Driven Life.  Maybe we all need to have a purpose driven day.  I like to think of it as that Friday right before you take a week of vacation.  Usually I get a good plan in place for the day on the night before and then on Friday, it's all business, taking care of stuff that won't be around to torment me in thought during my week off and won't need taking care of on my first Monday back.  I'm tired by the end of that day, but it's a different kind of tired...not exhaustion, but a satisfied, nothing left in the tank feeling of accomplishment.

I wonder what would happen if I approached each day like that?  Have you ever thought of trying it?  Why don't we make a commitment to doing it this week?

The Frightening Specter of Change

Yesterday, I spent the day in Troy, NY helping a group of managers grapple with some major organizational changes.  As I took them through the standard course materials, I realized they weren't "getting it."  Deviating from the script, I turned off the PowerPoint (which I can't stand by the way!) and we had a heart to heart.  It went something like this:

All of us are frustrated right now with the progress in the Gulf, capping the errant oil well.  Oil is still escaping and is now impacting beaches from Louisiana to Florida.  There is public pressure on BP and now citizens are misguidedly boycotting BP gas stations (those are independent franchises people - those hard-working Americans didn't cause the spill so QUIT harassing them!) while others call for the government to step in.  With all of those challenges, it would be easy for everyone involved to just throw up their hands and walk away.  The problem is, the oil just keeps coming out.  All of those predictions that the world will run out of oil aren't really that dire.  This could go on for years.  Somebody has got to step up and keep at it!

The managers in Troy would never give up, but some of their superstar staff members are.  They can't afford to quit and I know they won't.  They just need a chance to vent in a safe place and get back in the game.  Change, even a good change, is frightening.  Good managers, using my now famous analogy, need to keep the "pack" together, and keep them moving forward. 

How are you doing with change?  Are you paralyzed by it or do you need some time to process, vent, and then get back in the game?  I'm seriously considering re-working my business model to cut way back on my 90% travel schedule.  The prospects are scary for me too, but the benefits will far outweigh in the long run. I'm not going to let it stop me.   What will you be doing this week to deal with change?

These are the "Good Ol' Days"

This past week I took some downtime and went to Virginia Beach.  While there, we reconnected with our old boss from Naval Hospital Long Beach, Todd Graef.  It was great getting together and talking over the old times.

One of the things Todd mentioned was how in hindsight, some of the toughest times are the ones we refer to as the "good ol' days."   Ironically, the time I spent in Long Beach represented some of the darkest days in my personal life, yet as we talked over good food and wine, I realized then how much fun those years were.  More importantly, I realized how important the lessons I learned during that period have helped me build a successful business. 

When you think of the "good ol' days", what comes to mind?  Most often I find it either involves a particularly satisfying work experience, or some meaningful friendships.  It's rare that both happen at the same time.  For the longest time I looked back at my 15 years in the Navy as a stressful waste of time but after re-focusing, most of the bad times came from bad bosses.  After separating that from the equation, I realized how much fun my time in Australia, Long Beach, Guam, and Bremerton, Washington actually was.  Then I focused on the lessons I learned from the experiences.  Finally, I entered the bad bosses back into the equation and looked at their behavior as a lesson learned that I could share.   The end result?  My 15 year career was pretty darned good and I left it with a host of great information, lessons, and examples I can use now in business!

So how do you see the "good ol' days?"  Is it possible that a bad situation you're experiencing now could in fact someday be one of the best times in your life? 

All of us have a chance to define what will be our past each and every day.  What are you doing today to make this day one of the "good ol' days"?

3 Lessons from a Disappointing Loss

Last week I told you about my daughter's dilemma on her soccer team and how she is determined to give 100% to keep her roster spot.  So far, she is doing well and as far as we know, her position is safe.  Saturday though I witnessed something quite profound at her game that I think you'll appreciate.

As we watched our girls warming up, I couldn't help but notice how big the girls from the other team were.  Some looked to be around 15 or 16.  I was a little nervous wondering how our team would perform.  When the game started, our girls went on the attack, running extremely hard and frustrating the other team.  By the end of the half, they were up 3 to 0!

The second half was a much different story.  Our girls seemed to run out of gas and the other team pressed hard. The momentum shifted and we lost the game 5 to 3.  It was extremely disappointing for them and for us too! 

What did I learn?

1. No matter how ominous the challenge looks, run hard at it and you'll have a much better chance of succeeding.
2. If you find yourself succeeding when you though you'd fail, be sure to keep doing what worked for you!
3. If you find yourself failing, don't quit.  Take some time to regroup, figure out what's working and what's not, and then make adjustments.

My hope is that our team learns from this game.  I know I certainly took something away from it!  Hopefully this helps.

Have a great week!

Pushing Yourself Through Challenging Times

Last Friday, my eleven-year-old daughter was really bummed.  Her soccer coach mentioned that some new girls would be trying out for their team (she plays for MSI Classic in Maryland) and that he might be making some cuts.  Now she's a good soccer player - a goal keeper, but she doesn't start.  Making matters worse, one of the girls, the team's star player,  looked at her when the coach mentioned cuts - as if she would be the first to go.

Now I can understand that feeling.  I was cut from my 8th grade basketball team.  It hurts.  Mind you, she was not cut, but the word was out.  It could happen.

That night we had a conversation about it.  I told her that the only thing she had control over was her performance during the remaining four weeks of the season.  She could either choose to give up now, or work as hard as she could to retain her spot on the team.

I mentioned Tim Tebow, the newest member of the Denver Broncos football team.  Tebow is known as much for his lack of NFL-ready quarterback skills as he is for his insane work ethic.  He was projected to be a second or most likely third round pick, and probably to be used as a receiver or only in Wildcat formations.  Ironically, the two other quarterbacks most likely to get picked in the first round of the NFL draft, Colt McCoy and Jimmy Clausen fell to the second round while the Broncos traded up to get Tebow in the first round, specifically to be a quarterback.  The difference means that Tebow will make a lot more money by virtue of his first round selection.  We won't know for awhile whether the Broncos screwed up with this move or were exceptionally brilliant.  Regardless, they paid more for a player with heart than for one with skills. 

Time will tell if my daughter's new-found drive will save her spot on the team but at least she will go out swinging.  I'm proud of her and hope she keeps her spot.

What about you?  Are you willing to push yourself harder when faced with a challenge or do you simply fold?  Win or lose, at least by pushing yourself you can console yourself that you gave it your best shot.  I've won and lost business but have never lost a project because I didn't push myself.  It's part of the game.  I'm still up for the challenge.  Are you?

Attitude is a Choice

Have you ever had a job you hated?  I'm sure you have.  If so, I'm also sure you had to put on a "face" each day in order to survive.

That "face" you have to put on is really a simple term for a great attitude.  It's making the choice to make the very best of a bad situation.

Yesterday, I went to the local grocery store to pick up some hamburger buns.  The cashier was so friendly and upbeat that I saw nearly every one of the grim faced customers ahead of me in line perk up and leave with a big smile.  It was amazing to see and experience the energy that her positive attitude had on everyone.

Contrast that with another of the cashiers in the same store.  Several weeks ago I went through his line and asked him how he was doing. 

"Bad," he replied.  "I'm so depressed that I can't even function."

Wow," I said.  "Is it REALLY that bad?"

"I'm so miserable here that there is nothing on this planet that can make things better."

It was kind of disturbing and somewhat frightening.  I could have been speaking to that Disney character Eyore.  I have no clue what was going on in that man's head or in his life, but for that day it even depressed me.  He's still there (I saw him yesterday) so hopefully he's been able to sort out what's going on.

Here's my point.  Regardless of how you feel about a situation, your attitude is your choice.  By making the conscious decision to be positive, you'll make those around you happier and start feeling better yourself.

Many years ago while serving in the Navy, I was arm-twisted into giving dental health presentations at a local elementary school in Cerritos, CA. for Children's Dental Health Week.  I was irritated, annoyed, and just plain old grumpy having to do this.  Interestingly enough though, once I made the conscious choice to be positive in front of the kids, I actually had a great time.  The kids fed off my energy and I fed off theirs.  Each class laughed, got grossed out at the nasty photos of rotten teeth I showed them, and probably left with a renewed interest in brushing their teeth.  I realized that day how much I enjoyed doing presentations and it pushed me into my current career - which I am grateful for each and every day!

So this week, regardless of the circumstance or situation, make an effort to be positive.  You can create your atmosphere and environment, positive or negative, so figure out which one you'd rather have!

The Power of Humility

I've blogged in the past on the power of confidence over arrogance so I won't repeat that now.  Instead, I'd like to share an insight I got this past weekend at The Red Zone National Men's Conference I attended on Saturday with my dad and son Dustin.  Now this was a Christian conference but before you rush to unsubscribe, let me assure you the insight has nothing to do with religion.  Rather it's an example of confidence and humility overpowering arrogance.

In one of the breakouts on leadership, former Washington Redskins players talked about their experiences as young men in the NFL.  When asked about their greatest moment, each one responded with great humility.

• Brian Carpenter: Spoke about how impressive it was to watch Giants' linebacker Lawrence Taylor play.
• James Thrash: Talked about his first touchdown and how then Redskins Coach Norv Turner bitched him out on the sideline for hotdogging to the crowd.
• LaVar Arrington: Reflected on how great it was to take a big block from an offensive tackle so Bruce Smith could get the all-time sack record which led to his selection to the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Each of these men certainly had great personal highlights but chose to reflect on how great it was to play with other great players.  I was impressed.  In doing this, I thought much more about these men than if each had regaled us with tales of their personal successes.

What are you doing to recognize the accomplishments of those around you?  I'm discovering that the more we lift others up, the more respect we get.  You have to give it away in order to get it.

This week I'm going to look for ways to recognize those around me and promote their accomplishments.  I think it will be pretty exciting to try.  Will you join me?

Taking Pride in Your Profession

This past week I had an incredible time teaching management skills to a great group of managers at Pratt & Whitney Canada in Longueuill, QC. The group was a mix of all different types of people but heavily represented by engineers. 

One of the things I noticed in the engineers was the pride they took in the little silver pinky rings on their fingers.  As they explained, the ring comes from the Ritual of the Calling of the Engineer. In this ritual, an engineer wears an iron ring on the pinky to symbolize pride in the profession but maintaining a humility to serve others.

In my travels, I've come across two kinds of people.  Those who take pride in whatever they do, and those who simply go through the motions.  I spoken to a Marine who bragged about how important his job was, carrying the tripod to an M-60 machine gun and then I've chatted with professionals who do little more than complain about every aspect of the job.

Which are you?

It seems to me that if you're going to be in a profession, it wouldn't hurt to pick something you could be proud of.  After all, we spend the better part of our finest hours at work.  I'm not saying we should live to work, but if we're going to be working, how about taking pride in it?  Imagine what would happen if everybody did:

• Gate agents for airlines would make it their personal responsibility to make sure you made flight connections.
• Mail would be delivered to the correct addressee every time.
• The person at the drive-through window of a fast food joint would personally inspect your bag to make sure your order was correct.
• Telecommuters would truly "work from home."

I already thoroughly enjoy my profession so taking pride comes easier but I'm really going to examine my attitude towards it this week and make sure it's correct.  Why not do the same for yourself?

How to Manage Frustration

A week or so ago, I had coffee with a client who is wrestling with a decision on whether or not to leave the job she currently has.  The job pays well and yet there are some things that simply don't work well for her there.  In the end, she will probably stay, as least until the current economic situation improves, but one thing she told me really got me thinking.  She told me that in spite of the situation, she would just learn to manager her frustration.

I had never heard that term before, but it makes total sense.  Manage my frustration.

Management is the science of putting order into chaos.  The early management theorists like Frederick Taylor even went so far as to measure hand placement on the shovels of coal miners to maximize efficiency.  Management is man's attempt to take the unwieldy and unknown and make it adaptable.  Managing frustration then is the art of leveraging what we don't enjoy into a useful tool.

Another way to look at it would be to think that frustration is the result of dealing with an outcome other than what we really want or need to happen.  If that's the case, then we need to develop an action plan to let change the current situation into the ideal.  The alternative is to bitch and moan about our predicament.  To do that, I have several suggestions:

1. Focus on the goal. If you've developed your Big Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG) and you're on track to get it, think about the current situation in light of that.  If it's getting up up the mountain toward the goal, change your opinion of the current situation and view it as useful.

2. Learn from it.  Every difficult person or situation that's put in our life has the potential to make us grow.  While some of the things I experienced in my Naval career frustrated me, they all were shaping forces that allow me to be successful today, both in what I do and the audience I do it for.

3. Coach others through the process.  No doubt someone will come along side you to give you a hand during tough times.  You should do the same.  If you've been able to manage frustration well, those coping skills should be taught to someone else.  It's also a great way to get the focus off yourself and get you helping your friends and neighbors.

We were never promised a life without some frustration.  There will always be something standing in the way of our success and happiness.  Take some time this week to develop strategies to get you through those tough periods and you'll find the lessons you learned from frustration will become building blocks to future success.